Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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