That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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