I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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