I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
