mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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