how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
