i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
