I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize