So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize