You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
