the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize