There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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