Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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