Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize