We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
