Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
