Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
