Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
