I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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