Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
