Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
