yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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