took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
