a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
