There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.