I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
