she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
