I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
