It's Friday. Sex?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
