i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
