Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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