Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am naked and annoyed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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