You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
