More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
