I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
