I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
