I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
