I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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