So drunk its hurt
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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