Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
