3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
