I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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