the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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