bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
