for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
