I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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