yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
