pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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