and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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