once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
