i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
