Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize