wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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