My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize