so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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