I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
