I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
