Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
