as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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