We're facebook friends in real life
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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