I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
