Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
