If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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